Strange things...

I have lots of things I could post about. Rides at the mall, adventures on tricycles and big girl bikes, tea parties with friends. But instead I'm going to post some of the bizarre things I've seen in the last couple of months. Starting with...

Spotted this on a trip to best buy.

I was really, really tempted. But it wasn't a blu-ray. And I'd want to see the mega shark and giant octopus battling it out in the highest possible picture quality.

Spotted these at the pharmacy...

Which led me to have a number of questions:

Collector's series? When do you collect them? After you use them? I hope not. Before you use them? Doesn't that just make them really expensive, oddly textured stickers? Where would you even keep such a collection? Do they make special band-aid collectors books, like with coins and pokemon cards? This product is clearly for a very special kind of person.

Spotted this looking for bubble bath...

I can only imagine the commercial to go with this... does your baby have a hard time picking up dates? Smell a little too fresh, milky and powdery? Never fear, just use Johnson's baby cologne and your bundle of joy will be smelling like a frat boy and fighting them off in no time.

Seriously? Baby cologne?

And finally... this was quite some time ago, but it deserves a mention. For all the Brits, when you order tea and specify that you'd like milk to put in it, here's what you might get...

You get a mug of (often lukewarm) water. A teabag on the side with more lukewarm water. Some lemon. And almost a whole pint of milk. Because that's totally what I meant.

That doesn't make any sense! #5

Ben and I go to Target a lot. They sell everything there. Well, everything except cornflakes. I have NO IDEA why they don't sell cornflakes, but I shouldn't get started on how much that irritates me.

When they built the Super Target (the "Super" means they have a full grocery section, I'm not just saying it's super) they also built a lot of retail space nearby in case you ever wanted to go to a store that was not Target. Mostly we only go to the Liquor store (because in MN you can't buy your booze in Target, or after 9pm, or on Sundays... again, I shouldn't start on how inconvenient this is ;-)

Anyway, there is a point to this story. Every time we go we pass Famous Footwear. We've been in once, a year ago or so, when they first opened, and Ben bought some shoes, but then returned then because they were lumpy.

Recently when we passed, we saw this sign hanging outside the store...

Huh? What in the world is a "RE Grand Opening"? I know it's not actually meant to say "Grand Re Opening" because they've only been open for a year, and they didn't take a break from being open recently... so I have to assume the sign has been printed correctly.

Did they decide the first grand opening just wasn't Grand enough? They've been feeling like failures for the last year because there weren't enough balloons, or they didn't have a famous-enough celebrity cutting the ribbon, and had to have another go at it? It just doesn't make any sense! And they have not one, but two of these banners, on different sides of the building, so everyone knows about it!

I'm confused. I seriously doubt anyone will pass by and say to themselves "oh, I must stop in to Famous Footwear, they're Re-Granding their Opening". I'm not even sure that sentence is actually English... the whole thing strongly reminds me of those 'missed translation' signs you see in other countries...

(I found this sign here. Check out the rest, they're hilarious!)

In other non-signage related news, Ben and I officially drink too much wine. For the first time ever, we actually used our bottle opener so much that the metal wore out, and it fell apart...

And yes, it was one solid piece of metal, it wasn't glued together or anything. I'll leave it up to you to decide whether this is something to be proud, or ashamed of. All I know is that we need a new bottle opener. But it's ok, they sell them at Target.

That doesn't make any sense! Or does it...?

Between the fact that I look like I've eaten all the pies, and I'm sick to death of endless laundry, I thought I might use some of Fiona's afternoon nap (and Ben's hard earned money) for internet shopping and buy some new shirts.

I'm cheap, so I don't usually shop in Gap, but I thought I should check out their online sale items because sometimes you can get a really good deal. I thought that maybe if I was wearing maternity clothes already, I'd look more pregnant and less cream-filled.

After searching though many lovely options, I came to the 'shoes' section. "Huh" I thought to myself "I wonder what makes those different from normal shoes?" and assumed they were more supportive, extra comfortable, maybe had a built in foot massager... something along those lines. You can imagine my surprise on scrolling down to find... these!

Huh......wha...?

Well, I guess strippers get pregnant too, but really, I cannot imagine tottering around on these pregnant or not! Bizarre...

But then it all became clear... in the 'about this product' section I found this...

Now it makes sense!! We've all seen the movies and sitcoms... when you go into labour, your water always breaks all over your shoes. It's bound to happen. Knowing this, the most important thing a pregnant lady can have is wipe clean shoes! Thank you Gap for making such a useful, thoughtful product. I'm ordering a pair in each colour.

That doesn't make any sense! #3

Apparently Aberdeen City Council has decided to place an importance on cycle lanes. In theory, this is a great idea. Cars need to keep out of the cycle lanes in order to make it safer for cyclists. However, it seems that whoever decided to add cycle lanes to this road needs to have their brain cleaned...


Yes, they have taken what is already a very narrow road, and dedicated half of it to bikes. Leaving half for cars. But the car half is only about 3 feet wide for most of the road, which requires the cars to drive in the cycle lane anyway.



That doesn't make any sense! Cycle lanes only work if the road is wide enough for both cars and bikes to exist on it at the same time! I feel like whoever was in charge of this project threw darts at a map on the wall to choose roads in order to meet their annual cycle lane quota. It's completely pointless, and just a big waste of red road paint.

I just can't let this go...

I am still irritated by the gigantic box sitting in the middle of the living room. I felt it was best to clean it up before it caused me any more stress. In doing so, I noticed this printed on the box:

It's easy being green?! I didn't really know what to think of this. So I went to the website, and found this:

Since 2007, Amazon has made significant progress to reduce excess packaging in its shipments to customers and has introduced additional types of recyclable packing materials to protect items while in transit.

Amazon has developed a software program that determines the "right-sized" box for any given item to be shipped to a customer, based on that item's dimensions and weight. 

A software program? You need a software program to determine the 'right sized box'? And apparently having said software program eliminates free will. Packager is holding miniscule object in one hand, giant box in other and saying 'well, the software program says this is the right box...'

I'm going to put the box downstairs now. It has become a symbol of all that is wrong with the world. I can't even look at it. It hurts my heart. 

That doesn't make any sense #2

After part 1 of  the 'that doesn't make any sense' series, I was a little concerned that I wouldn't be able to find enough material for a whole series. But lo and behold, today the perfect material was delivered to our house.

Recently, Ben and I have been making more of an effort to reduce our waste, and be 'greener' in general. Other than recycling, keeping the water temperature low, etc., we use cloth diapers (sorry, nappies) instead of disposables, we try to use cloth napkins instead of paper towels or paper napkins, and I make most of Fiona's food to avoid all the packaging for the individual servings of baby food. I also recently switched from dryer sheets to reuseable dryer balls. Yep, we're pretty awesome. 

Today the doorbell rang, and who should be on the other side, but our friendly neighbourhood FedEx delivery man, with a large box. I was instantly concerned, because Ben has been ordering a lot of things from Amazon recently in order to have the Ultimate Movie Setup, and anything that came in a box this size was bound to be bad news.

So I sent him a message, and he told me that it was cables... Now, he has received a lot of cables lately, and usually they come in a much smaller box, such as the ones in the background of the above picture. I told him that if it was a cable, it was enough cable to wire an entire apartment building, and he informed me that it was a pretty big cable.

Still, I was curious, but had to wait until he came home to find out exactly what was in the box, because he likes to have the excitement of opening them himself, and gets upset if I open them before he gets home... :-)

Finally, he arrives and opens the box...

I'm still concerned... that looks like a lot of air and paper to me... And sure enough, when the paper was removed, this is what remained...

Really Amazon? Really? You felt this was an appropriately sized box? Really? That just doesn't make any sense! Is your shipping department working under some kind of russian roulette box selection method? They just grab a random box and hit the mark one time out of six? I just can't fathom how someone could feel that this was ok! Is someone kidding? Did I just not get the joke?

Anyway, I think my conclusion has to be that if you order something from Amazon, they have a team of monkeys working for them sending it out. Not trained monkeys, mind. Just monkeys. Trained monkeys would have done a better job.

I may not be confrontational in real life, but I can write a great angry letter. Amazon will be hearing from me. Maybe I'll send the letter to them in the box. 

That doesn't make any sense! #1

Often, I find myself bamboozled by the world. Things happen, and I just don't understand how someone could think this was a good idea. So this will be the first post in my 'that doesn't make any sense!' series.

So babies don't stay the same size for long. Recently Fiona has grown, and no longer fits into most of her pyjamas, or her sleep bags. I love the sleep bags. They keep her warm without me worrying about her getting tangled up in a blanket.

So last week we got all bundled up, and ventured out on the train to the mall to buy some bigger pyjamas and bags. 

We got to the shop that sells them, and the extra helpful sales assistant asked if he could help us. I told him I needed 9 month plus sized sleep bags. He informed me that they only make them in size 0-9 months. So, what, babies older than that don't get cold? Ok... so where are the fleece pyjamas?

This is where it gets nonsensical. He tells me... all the fleece ones are on clearance in the back. Ok... initially, I was happy with this... I LOVE a bargain. But, there were no 9 month or more sized pyjamas. None. Not a single one. 

Enter sales assistant. "Did you find everything you were looking for?"

Me: "Well, no... are these really all the fleece pyjamas you have?"

Sales assistant: "Yes... we had to make room for our spring stock, and they get picked over pretty fast"

Ok, hold up. What? It's spring? I'm sorry, I must be confused. How is it spring? It's the middle of January! It literally hasn't been above freezing ALL MONTH! If it doen't hit 32F (0C) by Saturday it will officially be the second month in HISTORY to not be above freezing all month. And you're telling me it's SPRING?! No wonder they're picked over, we're living in a frozen tundra and you're only selling lightweight cotton pyjamas! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

Of course, I am not very confrontational, and only thought these words. Out loud I said "mumble mumble january ok, thanks..." I'm a wussie. 

Here is a picture of what Fiona wears to leave the house at the moment. Except this month, she's also been wearing a hat, mittens, booties, and two blankets.

This trend was repeated in shop after shop. I found swimsuits, sandals, sundresses, shorts (I guess spring/summer clothes to be alliterative) but very few clothes appropriate for the 3-4 months of winter that we have left. I managed to find some fleece pyjamas on sale here and there, but really. Come on. Spring. 

I really should probably be buying summer stuff now, because by the time summer actually arrives, they'll probably only be selling fleece pyjamas.